"there has to be a change, I'm sure
today was just a day fading into another,
and that can't be what a life is for..."
For quite a while I've had this idea of starting my own magazine. I always thought it would be about making stuff- especially clothing and accessories, decorating, etc. Kinda a DIY type thing like "Readymade" but it would be geared more toward women. Like "Martha Stewart Magazine," but for a younger, trendy-er woman, I guess. I was going to call it "Makeshift Magazine," and it would be all about making things. Nowadays though, I'm starting to feel like it should be something more. Not just something about making stuff, but something about making life, maybe about making due in life.
I just left the cozy world of college living, and soon I'll be taking off for a new city on my own. It doesn't feel like a new chapter in my book; it feels like a whole new book. I guess I just feel like I have something to say about making a life for myself. When I hear about other students who've just graduated and are now making all kinds of money at their "real jobs," it kinda makes me feel inadequate and incompetent for taking the grad school road, the starving artist road, the student loan road... But when I think about how much I can learn and accomplish through this experience, it all seems worth it. I'm scared to death, but I know that I'm being true to myself. I have nothing of financial value to gain by getting an MFA in musical writing. It's just not a moneymaker like other master's degrees. But I have SO MUCH to gain by way of knowledge, networking, and experience. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be, "real jobs" included.
I'm also looking forward to spending time with people so similar to me. When I went to Tisch for the interview weekend all the applicants got to meet each other and do workshops and stuff together, and it was wonderful to be around people who have the same love of this craft, as well as the same fears and pressures. It reminded me of senior comp class last fall. Everyone was so supportive of each other because we were all in the same boat as writers trying to find our voices and face our fears, especially with graduation and "real life" just around the corner.
So I guess what I'd do with my imaginary magazine is write about what it's like to be a starving artist, or a fed artist, or just a dreamer. I'd want it to be supportive like the class. I'd want it to make people feel like they're not inadequate or incompetent for choosing a life of artistic expression, but rather, it would showcase the thrill of inspiration and the joy of creation that make our lives truly rich.
(I guess I'll end on that sugary, inspirational, cheesy note there... nighty night.)